Wednesday 3rd

Yesterday evening I disassembled the mouse driver as an exercise. It's quite easy to invert the signal so that the mouse cursor moves in the opposite direction to that of the mouse. The Operations Manager hasn't arrived yet, so I install my specially modified version of the driver onto his PC. After all, he's left handed, so he should find it easier, shouldn't he?

I've just finished when his phone rings. I pick it up.
"Operations, what can I do for you?"
"I think I need more memory."
"Not much I can do about that. Try cutting down on the booze."
"Not me, my computer!"

Doesn't he know that computer memory is getting expensive these days? If we buy extra memory for everyone who asks for it, there won't be enough money left in the departmental budget for our bonuses at the end of the year. I'll have to put him off. Unfortunately my buzzword generator is installed on my PC next door, so I'll have to rely on my encyclopaedic knowledge of computer technology. "OK, well you'll need to provide me with some information. Do you need level 1 static RAM, level 2 static RAM, dynamic RAM, video RAM or pipeline burstmode RAM?"
"Er..."
"Do you want standard DRAM, EDO DRAM, Synchronous DRAM, Synchronous Graphic DRAM, Rambus DRAM, Multibank DRAM or Window RAM?"
"Um..."
"Will the memory be SIMM, SIP or DIP mounted? What pin type will it be?"
"I..."
"What access time do you need? Will you require parity checking?"
"I think I'll have to get back to you on this one."
"OK. Any time."

I return to my desk to find an official-looking envelope has been delivered. It contains a letter to all staff from the IT Director to say that as from today the department will be recharging for all work undertaken. I groan. This will mean more bureaucracy: work request forms, work sign-off forms, recharge authorisation forms, etc. I contemplate for a moment whether I could set the printers up to print the forms onto lavatory paper. At least then you could do something useful with them afterwards. On second thoughts it wouldn't work. The laser printers won't accept continuous feed stationery.

I make for the coffee machine in the hope that it might stimulate some ideas. While I'm queuing up I'm accosted by one of the engineers wanting to know how to optimise the performance of his CAD workstation. I spend a few minutes giving him some suggestions, and then I remember the letter about recharging. I study my watch ostentatiously and scribble something in my notebook.

"OK, that's five minutes of my time you've had. That'll be £12.50 please."
"What?"
"Didn't you read the letter about recharging? All user departments have to pay for IT services by the hour. This was unplanned work so it attracts a higher rate, and you have to settle immediately in cash."
"I have to WHAT?"
"Don't worry, I'll give you a receipt, then you fill in forms B14/WA/9 and B15/RE/T1, and after that you can claim it back on expenses."
"Oh, OK."

He pays up. Maybe this recharging business isn't going to be so bad after all.

At the end of the day I am about to leave when I hear what sounds unaccountably like a cry of frustration coming from the Ops Manager's office. I look round the door and see him rip the mouse out of his machine, throw it on the floor and jump on it.

I guess some people just prefer to use a keyboard.