The Further Adventures of Billy Chippo

Billy the Strategist

I've been tasked with defining the network and systems strategy for the site for the next five years. As with any assignment of this nature, it's vital to be clear about the objectives, so I compile a list.

1. To optimise the efficiency and effectiveness of the business by leveraging its assets and resources.
2. To manage the company's data in a secure and reliable way so as to maximise its value.
3. To provide high quality systems and communications at the lowest possible cost.
4. To keep myself in a job for the foreseeable future.

I haven’t done this kind of thing before so I ask my boss how he would start. He suggests starting with a mission statement for the department. I’ve never written one of those either so I decide I need the help of my faithful buzzword generator program. I have to do a bit of reprogramming on it because it was designed to generate IT buzzwords, so I scan through a couple of management books and add lots of extra words and phrases. Then I set it running and go off for a coffee. When I return I have a splendid mission statement:

“Our mission is to maximise critical collaborative total quality objectives through a customer focused business-driven forward-looking partnership of competitive resource-efficient knowledge sharing and best-of-breed business-aligned holistic standards. To achieve this we will utilise a synergy of results-oriented leveraged enabling technologies and just-in-time bottom-line driven key performance indicators based on an achievement focused culture of open and accessible rationalisation. In addition we will foster a productive learning-by-doing communication environment in which shareholder value is enhanced by the integrated planning of tax-efficient business processes and team-based empirical returns on investment. This will be combined with our existing integrated worldwide focus on continuously empowered core competencies and the enterprise-wide re-engineering of our strategic corporate values.”

I copy the paragraph verbatim into my strategy document. I especially like the last bit about re-engineering our corporate values: I wouldn’t mind having a go at that myself.

Before I can write any more the boss calls me in.
“Billy, we’re having to make our budget submissions for next year. Is there anything that you want to add to this list?”
“Yes. We need to recable the building, upgrade all the servers, and replace all the desktop machines with the latest models so that they will run Windows 2000.”
“Won’t Windows 2000 run on our current PCs?”
“Yes it will. Specifically, it will run like a tortoise through wet cement.”
“Well I don’t think we can afford all that: the budget is going to be pretty tight next year.”

I glance down through the list. One of the items is replacement of the main Finance Dept. MIS system. That would be a real shame because I know several back doors into the current one, which is very useful if you want to make a few ad hoc adjustments to your project finances during the year. I don’t fancy the idea of having to start all over again on a new system with all the latest encryption technology so I’ll have to persuade him to drop it.

“Well we would be able to get new PCs if we postponed the replacement of the Finance MIS.”
“That’s what you said last year. And the year before that. The Finance system is ancient and should have been replaced long ago. It generates more work than it saves.”
“Yes, but remember, if it isn’t broken don’t fix it.”
“But it costs a fortune to maintain. Why should the company spend money on a creaking old legacy system that's already beyond the end of its useful life?"
“Why not, after all it pays the Operations Manager's salary.”
“I suppose so. Well OK, I’ll postpone that one and put in for replacement PCs.”